After being denied by principal Tanya King, Junior Jim Stacks appeals to the school board. The board will decide on Monday on whether he will be allowed to break school dress code and donate his hair to charity.
“There are other ways Jim could help the Locks of Love group.” Principal Tanya King said.
The Locks of Love group is an nonprofit organization, that donates wigs to children without the ability to grow hair.Despite Stack’s reasons for breaking the dress code,King continues to support the rules regarding the dress code.
“We desperately need hair for wigs,” Locks of Love president Gisel Roco said.
Every month the Locks of Love group has to turn down about 150 requests every month.
“The Locks of Love group requires at least 10 inches of hair for donations,”said stacks.
The dress code states that hair must be collar length or less,Principal King denied his request to grow and donate his hair.
“The letter was signed by 300 students,” “The council listed 150 students who also were willing to grow their hair to donate to Locks of Love,”
150 students that signed the petition in support of Jim Stacks cause, also signed themselves up to donate their own hair.
“I’ve known the stacks family for about 20 years,” “We all were relieved when Jasmine recovered and the doctors said the cancer was gone.” said school board member Bill Valdez.
Somethings you need to work on:
1. A few opinions throughout
2. Attribution issues
3. Grammar issues such as capitalization errors, spelling, and punctuation errors
Some good things:
1. Good amount of quotes
2. Some good explaining and insight
3. overall is a good news story
spelling and grammar errors
attribution issues
your story is unfinished
overall a good news story
explained well
After being denied by principal Tanya King, Junior Jim Stacks looks towards the school board vote on Monday, to decide whether he will be allowed to grow his hair out.
INSTEAD OF “LOOKS TOWARDS” YOU NEED TO SAY “APPEALS TO.” PUT A PERIOD AFTER BOARD. THEN SAY “THE BOARD WILL DECIDE MONDAY ON WHETHER HE WILL BE ALLOWED TO BREAK SCHOOL DRESS CODE AND DONATE HIS HAIR TO CHARITY.”
“There are other ways Jim could help the Locks of Love group.” said Principal Tanya King.The Locks of Love group is an nonprofit organization, that donates wigs to children without the ability to grow hair.Despite the good reason for breaking the dress code,King continues to support the rules regarding the dress code. “SAID” ALWAYS FOLLOWS THE NAME. THEN YOUR TRANSITION NEEDS TO BE ITS OWN PARAGRAPH. GET RID OF “DESPITE THE GOOD REASON.” TRY “DESPITE STACK’S REASONS” INSTEAD.
“We desperately need hair for wigs,”said Locks of Love president Gisel Roco.Despite all of the donations that the group receives,they still have to turn down about 150 requests every month due to the lack of hair. DON’T DO “DESPITE” AGAIN. IT IS REDUNDANT. SAME PROBLEM WITH ATTRIBUTION AND PARAGRAPHS.
“The Locks of Love group requires at least 10 inches of hair for donations,”said stacks. Due to the fact that the dress code states that hair must be collar length or less,Principal King denied his request to grow and donate his hair. GO STRAIGHT TO “THE DRESS CODE STATES.”
“The letter was signed by 300 students,” “The council listed 150 students who also were willing to grow their hair to donate to Locks of Love,”add inf. 150 students that signed the petition in support of Jim Stacks cause, also signed themselves up to donate their own hair. DON’T NEED TO ATTRIBUTE ADDITIONAL INFORMATION. YOU CAN JUST USE IT.
“I’ve known the stacks family for about 20 years,” “We all were relieved when Jasmine recovered and the doctors said the cancer was gone.” said school board member Bill Valdez.Despite the fact that Bill Valdez, the school board president being good friends with the Stacks family, he refuses to answer any questions regarding his hair. USING “DESPITE” AGAIN. NEED TO END ON A QUOTE.